Top Ten Things I Get Now That I’m A Mom

It took me 32 years to become a mom, and over that time I saw many of my friends have babies.  I was the smug twenty something cruising the world, staying out late, and living a carefree lifestyle.  Of course, all that changed when I became a Mom, yadda yadda…

Things I ‘Get’ Now that I’m a Mom

1. You will start to ‘get’ things when you become a Mom.  Things other people have mentioned or said will suddenly start to make sense.  You will understand why your ‘friends with kids’ bonded so well.  When you talk with your ‘friends without kids’ and they give you blank stares, you remember back when that was you, you shut up, and move on to the next topic.  Those cheesy cartoons in the Saturday papers will start to make sense.

2. That funk in the nursery is OK.  I used to visit other people’s nurseries and there was always that smell… I used to wonder why the hell they didn’t do something about it… It’s because they can’t smell it! Or, they are too tired to care.  It’s OK to have a funky smelling nursery (as long as it’s not dirty) so let’s just move on.

3. I get Moms on the sidewalk that don’t smile back.  When I was pregnant I used to see other mom’s in the neighbourhood and give them big smiles.  The smile was supposed to say ‘Hey You!  We’ll be on mat leave together!  Our kids might be best friends!  We can get to know each other!’  I’d get some smiles back but other times the mom would just plow forward, scowl on her face.  I now get it… your baby has been screaming, you’re tired, you just need to get out, you’re pushing the stroller half awake, and you have no energy to look up.  It’s cool.. no offence taken.

4. I understand real fatigue.  I remember when I’d go out partying and the next day I’d be tired.  I’d spend the day lazing around and watching TV in my pyjamas.  (So difficult…)  Now, after I’ve been up all night with a baby, I’m up all day with a baby who doesn’t care if I’m tired.   And repeat….

5. I get that sometimes you eat the food that has just been in your kids mouth.  It’s OK.  You share the same DNA.

6. Frank talk about your birth.  I get it.  It’s hard and it hurts and you want to know that other moms went through the same thing.  Ditto with breastfeeding.

7. Excessive photos of your kid.  Because they are the cutest kids ever dammit!

8. Your unique parenting style.  Only let your kids play with wooden blocks hand carved in Germany?  Believe that napping in the outdoors wards of the flu?  Stay at home mom?  Going back to work early?  I get it – it works for you and your family.

9. Snot in the nose, food on the face, dirty clothes.  I used to wonder why parents let their kids run around with dirty clothes, faces and especially, snotty noses.  Then I realized that when cleaning a face sometimes food is missed as you scramble to touch the cloth on the face before protests, clothes will always be dirty unless you change them 4 times a day, and getting snot out of the nose is a herculean task.

10. Living life according to nap and bedtime.  Moving around naps usually means a cranky kid.  And surprise surprise!  Keeping up a kid longer doesn’t necessarily mean they will sleep in!

But things I still don’t get..

1. Moms, it’s OK if your kid is not perfect. My baby still doesn’t sleep through the night at 8 months.  He has also started refusing a bottle again.  It’s OK.  Don’t beat yourself up.  It’s hard enough.

2. Constant Facebook updates.  I still don’t understand why some moms have to mention every time they make a tea or their kids eat carrots.  Or worse, poop.